“FUCKING LOSER”

When I was coming up with ideas on what I wanted this golf blog to be about, I thought it would be funny to write about things I didn’t like about golf. At the time I was better at making fun of things than I was at appreciating them. That’s where the name Cart Path Only originates. I play golf pretty much exclusively at municipal courses and always ride a cart. To shitty golfers like me, one of the top things I don’t like about golf is hearing the words “Cart Path Only”. While I’ve tried to move towards a more positive tone, I’m getting back to my roots with this blog.

The co-host of Barstool’s Foreplay podcast, the one that doesn’t look like an overgrown middle-schooler who wears Transition™ glasses, wrote what he called a “Column” on Harris English and his tweet about push carts in the NCAA Men’s Golf Championship. As a Harvard graduate, Barstool Riggs managed to string together an impressive 251 words in his “Column” and filled over half the page with tweets from Harris, Patton Kizzire, HV3 and others. In this dissertation he dropped the line, in reference to Harris’s tweet: “Look, if you’re upset about other people using pushcarts you’re a fucking loser.”

While Harris couldn’t give a shit about how people perceive him or how they respond to his tweets, I cannot let this lazy hack call Harris a “fucking loser” without replying. The premise of his post is that push carts or any other utility available (we’re at 252 words) should be used in golf if it helps you enjoy the game more and helps you win. The first problem is that Harris’s tweet was not directed towards the monthly hacker who is too cheap to pay for a cart and too lazy to carry his own clubs. It was directed at current NCAA Men’s golfers who were using them in the championship tournament. It was an innocuous tweet that has rattled the cages of so many dorks. The only people upset in this situation is the horrid #PushcartMafia Riggs is defending.

The second part of his argument is that if push carts help you win and expend less energy then you should use them. Push carts weren’t allowed in college competition until 2014 when Cameron Wilson from Stanford got his doctor to write him a note saying that he couldn’t carry his bag just like nerds got a doctor’s note to allow you to walk instead of run during gym class. Cameron had back and neck problems so the NCAA made rule changes to allow him to compete fairly. So now, many current and former collegiate golfers see the use of a push cart only needed for someone who needs special help to compete. The pioneers of the college push cart along with Wilson are Bryson DeChambeau and Patrick Rodgers. Bryson is trying to strip away any traces of grace from his game and P-Rodge is contemplating shaving his eyebrows into checks so he can add one more Nike logo to his body. Not the crowd I’d want to be associated with. Golf has enough problems trying to be cool. Using push carts is synonymous with holding your nose when jumping into a pool or carrying your books in a rolling backpack in high school.

Riggs’ final point is the tired adage that doing ______ is about America. This unoriginal blogging technique is as annoying as defending push carts is. Riggs has been blogging for years and yet he still resorts to defending his takes because they’re “American”? He says that “America was built on cool ass men and women”. Push carts are not cool. There is a reason golf courses keep push carts hidden in the barn. There’s a reason they are being made fun of by countless PGA Tour pro’s. There’s a reason why hundreds of non-professionals have jumped to the defense with such anger and aggression: They know they’re not cool and feel the need to justify why they use them. Riggs even distances himself from the PC Club because he at least has the self-awareness not to be seen pushing his golf clubs through the woods of a golf course.

But the push cart issue doesn’t bother me. If the weekend golfer wants to use one, great. If college golfers want to use one, fine. The issue I have is that this lint-head panderer would call Harris a fucking loser over a tweet as harmless as “Can’t take these pull carts seriously”. This coming from the guy who wanted people to yell JJO when golfers teed off.

Here’s the first couple mins of Howard Stern ripping @RiggsBarstool@BarstoolTrent@ForePlayPod and indirectly @KFCBarstool for #JJOpic.twitter.com/RCnJAxi8BC

— HeavensBarstool (@HeavensHawkeye) June 7, 2017

This from the guy who did the exact same Bandon Dunes review as No Laying Up a week after they did. This from the guy who took a downvoted Reddit comment and turned it into his “Fore Play Digs” segment where he painstakingly sucks the life out of golf’s greatest moments.

I’m sure if pressed on this you will walk it back to say it wasn’t aimed at Harris, but you wrote your half-assed blog and I’ve said my piece, you fucking loser.