The 100th PGA Championship might be the least exciting iteration of the least exciting major in its 100 year history. Golf twitter, the media, and the PGA have done a shit job of promoting the final (for now) major of the year. The Fedex Cup playoffs have diminished Glory’s Last Shot and next year’s move will make the PGA Championship Glory’s Second Shot, or Glory at the 2 Hole, or the Second Glory Hole or something.

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This is the second image that comes up when you google “glory hole golf”.

The other three major golf championships do a great job honoring the players in the field that shouldn’t probably be there. The Masters pairs the reigning US Amateur with the past year’s Masters champion and lets Jeff Knox go out on the weekends; the US Open showcases the amateurs that qualified and where they came from; the British Open lets the winner of the John Deere Classic in the field. But the one major that was historically put on for the PGA professionals barely even mentions the dudes who this tournament was intended for. So I am here to bring these incredibly white guys from out behind the pro shop desk and into your living room.

Ryan Vermeer – This year’s PGA Professional Champion. He will probably be one of three club pro’s to be mentioned in the coverage.

Danny Balin – His baby mama delivered their daughter early in July and he’s been given the kitchen pass to go play golf this week. Also he and Vermeer were given a shout out on Pardon the Interruption.

Rich Berberian – Rich was the 2017 PGA Professional Player of the Year and made a couple cuts on tour. Also his name sounds like Barbarian which I like.

Michael Block – Made his kid dig his ball out of an unknown, burrowed-out, animal hole.

Matt Borchert – In his own words, he was a “miserable you-know-what” and people hated playing with him. Just wish he was playing with Jon Rahm and Tyrell Hatton.

Craig Bowden – 50 year old and three time winner on the Hooters Tour.

Matt Dobyns – Swings right-handed but putts left-handed. I do the same thing at the putting greens at Dicks Sporting Goods.

Jaysen Hansen – Drunkenly sank a 90 foot putt with a Flat Cat Putter.

Craig Hocknull – Some claim him to be the most interesting PGA Pro in the tournament. Craig lived with aborigines, has PGA status in the United States, Canada, and Australia, and earned a 4.0 at the prestigious Jackson State University in Jackson, Mississippi.

Marty Jertson – Marty is the director of product development for Ping. Look for his playing partners Luke List and Kevin Chappell to be with Ping next year.

Zach J. Johnson – The other Zach Johnson. There’s two Zach Johnson’s in the field!! This will be underplayed by CBS I’m sure.

Ben Kern – Probably the only dude to ever play a major with a tattoo sleeve. Gives lessons to dudes in cargo shorts and has a fantastic Happy Gilmore.

Johan Kok – Sank a 100 foot putt at the 2014 PGA Championship. It wasn’t with a Flat Cat Putter though, and I doubt he was as drunk as Jaysen.

Sean McCarty – Made the cut at the 5th Major, the John Deere Classic and was a college All-American with Tiger in 1995.

David Muttitt – Did the Phil “Flop Shot Challenge” way before Phil did.

Jason Schmuhl – Had an ace at the Safeway Open last year and is the subject of this great “Glory’s Last Chance” related headline.

Brian Smock – Former Nationwide Tour player and current pro at Coronado. Has a decent twitter following and famous for bringing lithium ion batteries to the golf carts in Coronado.

Bob Sowards – Bob is 50 and has a Wikipedia page. He’s played and missed the cut at the PGA Championship 9 times since 1997.

Omar Uresti – He’s been called a “ringer” from other PGA professionals because of his long-time tour on, uh, the Tour. The only PGA qualifier to make the cut in a while. Good bet to take on match-ups. He qualified as a PGA pro because he gives “free pointers to members” at the club he plays at.

Shawn Warren – Got the shit beat out of him when he was 22. Blamed it on his off-duty cop friend and said the guys jumped him. Funnily enough that article was written by golf write Jim McCabe in 2008.

There you have it. At least 19 of these guys won’t make the cut but you’ll have something to say about them when you see their names scroll by the bottom.

2 thoughts on “Meet the Pro Shop Dudes Playing in the PGA Championship

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